Chicago Sports Weekend (Part Two)

I had the honor of attending the Bears/Vikings game this past Sunday with my Dad and great family friends Nick and Mary. As it turns out, watching an embattled quarterback for four quarters in the freezing cold with a division title on the line is a damn good way to spend your Sunday. So I kept a running diary (props to Bill Simmons) and I’m glad I did...



***


11:49am - We arrive 40 minutes early to Soldier Field due to eerily light traffic. So, after we find our seats, I decide to do three laps around the mezzanine level to keep my circulation going until the game starts. I’m dressed in layers upon layers, a grey hooded sweatshirt, my Salaam jersey stretched over that, a jacket and an orange wool cap. Since people can only see the #31 in front, it doubles as a Vasher jersey.

(One thing I don’t understand is wearing a dated (as well as questionable) jersey to the game. It’s one thing to display them proudly (and ironically) out at a bar, but sporting a Rick Mirer or Bryan Cox jersey at Soldier Field in full war paint on Sunday afternoon makes me scratch my head just a little)

I return to my seats with eleven minutes to spare. I’m ready for some football.

11:59am - The National Anthem ends with three fighter jets doing a flyby as the word “Brave” is sung. Then, with the roar of the jets still ringing, that “Let’s get fired up/generic rock music” bleeds in and people begin hopping up and down, an expanse of cascading warm breath puffs. This place is ready to burst.

12:01pm - Sheed Davis fumbles the opening kick return on our 31 yard line. Minnesota recovers. So much for that.

12:04pm - The Bears defense forces the Vikings into a 4th and 18 situation and out of field goal range. Let’s try this again.

12:20pm - After a promising drive stalls for the Bears, they punt the ball away. Then Brad Johnson and Rex Grossman trade interceptions. Rexy really needs to settle down. The crowd is searching for an excuse to go absolutely nuts, but knowing Grossman is strug-a-ling, they don’t quite know what to do with all this pent-up energy. Every time the Bears get the ball, it’s like 60,000 people waiting for the other shoe to drop.

12:24pm - My Dad makes his first prediction, “This looks like it’s going to be another 9-6 game. It’s So Depressing.”

The funny thing is, I was thinking the same thing. As a Bears fan, whenever things get off to a sluggish start, that’s usually how they’re going to end. That’s the result of constantly watching Good Defense and Bad Offense paired together year after year.

12:32pm - With 2:31 left in the first quarter, this whole place shakes with noise. Everyone is on their feet as the Vikings are trying to convert on a third-and-long. Right before the snap a yellow flag comes spiraling out of the sky from the sidelines as Minnesota has been charged with their second false start penalty, virtually assuring the punt. At this point, Tank Johnson is pointing at the crowd. We are pointing back to him. My Dad, Nick and I have started barking. Things are starting to pick up.

12:39pm -
PA System: There’s A Timeout
Crowd: Where?
:::pause:::
PA System: On The Field.
Crowd: Oh.

This happens seven or eight times a game and it NEVER gets old.

12:41pm - The second quarter starts with Rex launching a bomb down the right sideline that gets caught up in the swirling wind and comes up five yards short. Interception. “Grossman Sucks!” and “Bring in Griese!” begin to roll out of the stands. I’m willing to give him until halftime.

12:43pm - The PA System has just notified us the game time temperature is 20 degrees (7 degrees windchill) with 14mph winds gusting from the SW.

The crowd erupts. More barking.

12:46pm - My Dad leans over, “Hester’s returning this”.

12:47pm - Devin Hester has just electrified the crowd with an seemingly impossible dream of a return. Running 45 yards to paydirt, he sheds tackles and bounces off hits as he wills his body into the endzone like he is dragging the stone of triumph behind him. I would tell my Dad to say that before every Hester return, but I don’t want to tinker with his odd familiarity with how the comos seem to work.

12:57pm - Ulacher gets flagged for a bogus “roughing the passer” penalty which sets up a Longwell chipshot. Bears 7, Vikings 3. There’s 8:54 left in the second quarter.

Nick, concerned with the veracity of the referee’s interpretation of the rules, posits to anyone who’ll listen, “We’re playing football here, aren’t we?”. Things have become very philosophical all of a sudden.

1:13pm - An interesting sequence of events just unfolded before us. The Vikings are forced to punt from their own endzone and everything seems right with the world. However, punter Chris Kluwe glances the kick off his foot in such a manner as to influence the ball with a certain “dying quail” quality. It travels roughly 20 yards and hits a Bears blocker who is high-tailing it down the field to assist in the return. Minnesota recovers. We are then indulged to yet another three-and-out from a listless Vikings offense. On the ensuing punt, the SAME exact thing happens. Only this time, the Bears regain possession when the ball bounces harmlessly out of bounds.

“I think this might be their new offensive strategy,” says my Dad.
“I wouldn’t rule out anything at this point,” I reply.

1:26pm - Urlacher & Co. stand tough and give us the ball back with :33 second left on our 20 yard line. Rexy kneels on it. Sadly, this play is a marked improvement over most of his others this half. Meanwhile, Nick tries to get Mary’s attention to make sure she’s not frozen solid. She jostles in her seat, looks at us and says, “I’m here”. Nick looks relieved.


1:42pm - Start of the 2nd half.

1:47pm - Tommie Harris goes down. It’s his knee and it looks season ending. The crowd is standing around like a DMV waitline. It’s awkwardly quiet and people are frantically looking around, searching for answers. Nervous energy holds sway.

1:54pm - The Vikings drive down the field with an alarming degree of ease, running the ball at the gap Tommie Harris usually fills. They settle for another Longwell chipshot to make it 7-6, Bears with 10:07 left in the 3rd quarter. The Grossman critics are now adequately drunk and I’m feeling bad vibes.

Please God, no more INTs.

1:59pm - Grossman’s first pass of the 2nd half is tipped at the line of scrimmage and intercepted by some anonymous linebacker. The Boo Birds are out and they’re swooping about at this point. As the crowd charges into “Grie-se! Grie-se!” chants, Lance Briggs steps in front of a Brad Johnson telegraph for the pick, turning the anger into euphoria. This was jarring for the Boo Birds, but I have a feeling they’ll be back.

2:02pm - Minnesota is penalized for encroachment. Mary turns to me and says, “That’s one thing Rex has going for him. The hard count.”

Needless to say, I’m extremely impressed.

2:11pm - The Vikings commit their fourth false start. They look terrible.

2:15pm - WOW. Ricky Manning, Jr. jumps a Travis Taylor route, makes the pick and runs it back. Bears 14, Vikings 6.

2:18pm - Lance Briggs storms into the backfield and causes yet another ill-conceived Brad Johnson ball that was thrown RIGHT AT Urlacher. This place is temporally insane.

2:20pm - AND JUST LIKE THAT... Ced Benson takes a 4th and 1 handoff up the right sideline for a 24 yard touchdown run. Bears are now up 15 points with 3:04 left in the 3rd quarter. It’s beginning to sink in that the Bears are clinching the NFC Norris Division in front of us. Can’t wait for the inevitable “Ugly Win” Bears commentary on EPSN Primetime.

2:21pm - Brooks Bollinger is in.

2:22pm - Brooks Bollinger is on his back.

2:24pm - Brooks Bollinger is on his back again. No seriously, this is exactly how is went down.

Vikings face another 4th and 17.

2:29pm - The fourth quarter starts. My Dad and Nick have the following exchange:

Dad: “I think there’s a Bourbon and water in my future.”
Nick: “How about a Bourbon and Bourbon?”
Dad: “Sounds even better.”

2:32pm - Bears safety the Vikings. We’re exhausted from cheering.

2:40pm -
PA System: There’s A Timeout
Crowd: Where?
:::pause:::
PA System: On The Field.
Crowd: Oh.

2:50pm - The Vikings finally get in the endzone. Bollinger is running around the field pumping his fist like MJ against the Jazz in ‘97. We’re not concerned. Six minutes are all that separate us from the playoffs.

2:53pm - The Vikings just pull off a PERFECT onsides kick. The crowd implores the D to slam the door.

Nick checks Mary again. Not frozen. Whew.

3:00pm - The Vikings are strapped with a 3rd and 12 after their fifth false start of the day. Once the ball is snapped, Adewale Ogunleye simply slides past his blocker and DRILLS Bollinger. 4th and 17 is then followed by a delay of game. 4th and 22. Another Vikings Punt.

My Dad takes out his binoculars and surmises the situation: "It seems like Bollinger is out of it... stumbling around on the sideline... might have a slight concussion..."

It's generally not a good idea show up the defense by over-celebrating your garbage time touchdown. I'm just saying.

3:10pm - PA System: Rex Grossman had 34 yards passing today.

I'll just put it this way. The crowd's reaction was too priceless for words.

3:14pm - The Bears recover a Vikings fumble with 1:12 left. Game Over. Bears 23, Vikings 13. What a ride.

Chicago Sports Weekend (Part One)

This past weekend, I had the privilege of going to the Bulls-Wizards game Saturday night and the Bears-Vikings game on Sunday afternoon thanks to my Dad hooking up some tickets. Since the Bears could clinch the division and the Bulls were on a three game winning streak and opening up their 8-game home stand, I decided to take a running diary of both. I know this is Bill Simmons territory but I figured if they were fun to read, they might be fun to write.

As it turned out, I was correct.



***


7:33pm - My Dad and I get to our seats and begin to settle in, but not before swapping photos in front of the Jordan Statue outside the East gates. I think the reason this particular piece of civic art culture is so profound is because of what MJ accomplished in this city. Those memories that are firmly tucked into a daily subconscious of a time when June was the happiest month of the year. “MJ Soaring” personifies this.

I’m not sure why, but I’m very optimistic at this point.


7:40pm - They play a virtually Alan Parsons-free intro and have tweaked the Jumbotron graphics. Instead of the classic build up of “Sirius”, there is a deep baseline like beating hooves as we watch a stampede of bulls tear through the Wizards team bus parked outside the UC. I guess it’s okay, but it’s different. The crowd isn’t feeling it so much and I am reminded of how much I miss The Stadium.

7:48pm - Loul streaks down the left side of the court in transition, receives a laser of a half court pass from Kirk, shifts pass Arenas who is casually attempting to take the charge and scores. And One.

It’s becoming quite clear that Loul is making the leap from versatile small forward to legitimate potential All-Star and I couldn’t be happier. But he did attend Duke for a year. So I’m not sure what that means about me. I’m even a Duhon guy. Ditto Jay Williams. So there’s that too. It’s gotten to the point that if I had to root for J.J. Redick, I think I could.

:::shuddering at the thought:::

7:54pm - Four Gentlemen seated directly in front of us in the mold of “Da Super Fans” begin in on the refs. “I’ve had tree beersh and even I could see dat wasa foul,” in that lazy midwestern brogue. Meanwhile the others muse on the similarities between Etan Thomas and R.W. McQuarters braids.

I love this city.

7:58pm - The Total Cheer Academy just performed during the timeout. The act was comprised of roughly twenty 90-pound H.S. freshmen girls launching each other into the air to techno music, all twenty of them were wearing the same terrified “I hope I don’t crack my skull in front of 20,000 people” look. Say what you want about the United Center, they keep you entertained.


8:00pm - Note to self: Ben Gordon IS Vinnie Johnson


8:03pm - Watching Big Ben shoot free throws is like witnessing the painfully shy kid in junior high deliver a speech to the class. He’s uncomfortable, we’re uncomfortable for him, all concerned parties just want to get through it as painlessly as possible. (Big Ben misses the front end by a mile. Ugly Shot. Never even hints at flexing his knees at any point. Second shot is the same, but Wallace judges the carom correctly and gathers the ball much to the delight of the crowd. He feeds the ball inside to Loul who is promptly fouled and sent back to the line. At this point, Skiles subs out Big Ben and the crowd lights back up, almost as if saying, “We need you to know we love you and Jay Mariotti is a miserable human being who doesn’t speak for any of us.”)

8:04pm - Brendan Haywood and Michael Sweetney just checked in and are guarding each other. According to the program, that’s 533 pounds of man in the post. I’m guessing it’s closer to 600. It’s like watching the Nature Channel at this point.

8:07pm - Big Moment. Scottie Pippen just arrived at his seat right under the basket next to the Bulls bench. My Dad informs me that he sits there for all the home games and usually arrives halfway through the 2nd quarter like this. The crows is abuzz. What a Pimp.

The Superfans in front of us spot him, but more importantly, they spot his arm candy. She’s a stunning woman with amazing, ahem, eyes. She’s the perfect combination of Eva Longoria and Eva Mendes. She’s the Uber-Eva. Anyway, they yell LOUDLY “Nice Pull Pippen!” and “You Motorboat Scottie?”

Scottie glances over and chuckles reluctantly. Uber-Eva is either oblivious or silently seething. My Dad informs me that she is, in fact, his wife.

Once again, I love this city.

8:13pm - Nocioni slices through the lane for two of his game-high 15 points. Bulls up 36-26 with 8:54 left in the half. Now that I think of it, I think Noc is making the leap too.


8:19pm - Ty Thomas hits a nasty jump hook in the lane to put the Bulls up 16. This could get out of hand very quickly.

8:27pm - Haywood just annihilated Tyrus. Dunking it ALL OVER HIM and drawing the foul in the process. The crowd makes a collective gasp of disbelief. Haywood snarls and stalks back to the line while teammates surround him shouting and smacking him on the back of the head. All the Bulls are looking at the floor. Now, THAT was harrowing... Even Scottie is noticeably upset.



8:30pm - One of the Superfans (on his fifth beer by now) waits for a lull and yells at Antwan Jamison who is currently standing ten feet away waiting to inbounds the ball,

“Hey Jamison! You’re losing by 22!”

Jamison is noticeably unamused.

8:36pm - Halftime. 62-44 Bulls.

8:52pm - We’re back from halftime which consisted of three BMX riders going off ramps. Good times.

Noc gets the ball in the early going, drives to the hoop and is clobbered by Jamison who turns to the ref and makes a forlorn “Who me?” face. At this point, Dad yells so Twan can hear him, “Oh No! Not YOU Jamison! Of Course You Fouled Him! T Him Up!”. The Superfans bristle with delight and similar sentiments while our entire section begins humming with activity. Dad collects himself by (under his breath) reiterating the words “ridiculous” and “unbelievable”. Then he leans over for some confirmation:

“He went to UNC, right?”

I reply back in the affirmative and he gives me the “Damn Straight” look.

My Dad is the man.

9:01pm - Ben Gordon just took LITERALLY FIVE STEPS before finishing a fast break layup. I’m convinced traveling is off the books.

9:06pm - The Superfans (on their seventh beers by now) are confused about just exactly who is on the court right now for the Wizards:

“Hey Lang! WHO ARE YOU?”
“Is this the JV Squad?”
“Who’s got a program?”
“We need some back story here!”

To their defense, I was just as lost as they were. I mean, I follow the NBA and I was grasping for straws when my Dad asked me who was playing. In no particular order: Donell Taylor, James Lang, Andray Blatche, Antonio Daniels and Jarvis Hayes. If it’s not out of hand already, it shortly will be.

9:10pm - Tyrus Thomas is going to be an solid player in the NBA, especially if Greg Oden falls in our lap next summer (Thank you Isiah). Oden and Big Ben can play the “defensive stalwarts” role and hover around the basket establishing a presence while Ty is able to move around a little more using his incredible athleticism to make plays. I see him as a poor man’s Chris Bosh once his game is a little more polished. (Thomas finished the game with 9 points, 10 boards and a block in 27 minutes of action)

9:16pm - Bulls up 29 and just came out of a timeout pressing. I love Scott Skiles.

9:19pm - Sefolosha just faked a shot, drew two defenders and threaded the needle inside to Loul for two. It forced my Dad and I, in lieu of cheering, to turn to one other and make the same astonished look. We spent the next thirty seconds shaking our heads and saying WOW over and over again. My buddy Bauer and I coined the phrase “Thabo-lous” and I think it’s completely appropriate right there.

9:25pm - The 4th quarter begins in garbage time.

9:27pm - Roger Mason, Jr. Just checked in. Go Hoos. My Dad informs me that he’s giving up beer for the night. Both these events mean the game is ostensibly over.

9:39pm - An amazing sequence just happened. The Bulls just ran through 4 shot clocks on offense, working it down, missing the shot, getting the rebound, again and again... By the fourth time, the crowd simultaneously lept to their feet and started going nuts. Out of exhaustion the Wizards commited a lazy foul and sent Sefolosha to the line. This is fun.

9:40pm - When the Bulls score at least 100 points and win, every ticketholder in entitled to a free Big Mac. The game is in the bag, but I notice we’ve been stuck on 98 for about three minutes of game time. The crowd is restless. Sweetney then gets fouled, hits the front and... HITS THE SECOND!!! The crowd is going nuts. This has been going on since the Jordan days and never gets old (Of course, when MJ was around we had to score 120).

9:44pm - Note to Self: Ben Gordon IS Earl “The Goat” Manigault.

9:46pm - The “Kiss Cam” up on the Jumbotron just had a 75 year old man and an attractive blond 30-something go in for "the real thing”. The Superfans are loving it, “Way to outkick your coverage Old Man!”. My Dad is buckled over with laughter because he recognizes him as one of his good friend’s business associates. He tells me that this guy has never been married but always has a hot number on his arm. Him and Scottie are neck-and-neck for “Pimp of the Night” in my book.

9:51pm - Tyrus just jumped out of the gym and throws down a thunderous dunk with less than thirty seconds to play. Final Score: Bulls 112 - Wizards 94. Mahalo.











Part Two: The Bears Game is coming Wednesday.